Story of two grannies

This is a story of two grannies who had gone through similar hardship in life. I met them a while back and they both shared the following bad experiences:

• Both of them were orphaned at a very young age, and both were adopted.
• Both of them married an alcoholic, and had difficult marriages
• Both of them had disrespectful and unfilial children
• Both of them had kidney failure and had to go through painful dialysis

There could however be no bigger contrast in how they viewed life.

The first lady looked at life as a blessing and as she had gone through all the adversities when she was younger.

She felt that her life was never better and she was at a much better place now.

She was also a volunteer worker for an NGO helping the less fortunate ones.

The 2nd lady was however outrageous when we discussed her past. She blamed her sons and cursed her daughters in law. She was angry with God because he was unfair to her.

Although this lady was also part of the same NGO, she was not a volunteer but a patient suffering from clinical depression disorder.

What hit me the most was the stark difference in their facial expression and the vibes they sent out, although both suffered similar misfortunes in life.

As the first lady had let go of the distress and set herself free from the past, she left a peaceful and kind impression upon us. People like to be near her as she was very approachable and she carried herself with dignity and grace.

The depressed lady however still burried all her pain and burden from the past within her; she was very critical, aggressive and violent. People avoided her at all cost and she looked like a devil at times.

I sincerely had deep sympathy for her as she had gone through a hard life. However, she had to relive those painful but long gone miseries every day, and she was not willing to let go of those painful memories. With that, she was torturing herself daily with all the awful bygones.

Perhaps, there are just too many irreversible grief and regrets in life. Perhaps we feel so sorry for ourselves that we cry our lung out in those lonely nights. We damn the world, as this is such an insufferable hell.

But, we ought to know that we are the only one person who can release us from that living hell. No one else can help us.

There are just too many baggages in life, we can choose to carry them wherever we go, or we can choose to put them down gracefully and move on.

Whether or not we want to let go of these baggages can decide our future; it makes the difference of whether we continuously live a painful life, or turn over a new leaf and live in happiness.

The only way to end those bad dreams, is to wake up.

The only way to live happily, is to let go.

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Related Article:

• Waking Up

This post has been translated from an article I read from Facebook. Please excuse my poor attempt in translating and if you would like to read the original post, you can get it here.

Waking up

In a world that's filled with troubled souls and pain, many asked Buddha what they could do to stop their worries and live a happy life.

Buddha invariably gave the same answer, "You will be free if you let go."

After sometimes, a smart man became disgruntled with the same answer, and decided to challenge him.

He went to Buddha and asked, "There are tens of millions of people in this world, each experiencing different problems and agonies. The solution you offered them has always been the same. Don't you think it's ridiculous to even imagine that your one way can solve all the problems in the world?"

Buddha calmly asked the man, "Do you dream when you sleep?"

"Of course!” said the man.

"Are your dreams always the same every night?” asked Buddha.

"Of course not!” the man answered.

"You have slept thousands of nights and you have had thousand of different dreams. But no matter how bad or good your dreams are, there is only one way to end them."

Buddha continued with smiles, "That is to wake up."

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Related Article:

• Story of two grannies

This post has been translated from an article I read from Facebook. Please excuse my poor attempt in translating and if you would like to read the original post, you can get it here.

再續前緣

時間真的是一種很玄的概念。上中學時，總覺得日子難過。彷彿一瞬間，不惑之年已不再遙遠。

同學們告別校園後，便各奔前程。有的選擇了深造，打工，成家，立業，或走自己的路。同窗之情，也隨著時間，漸漸流失在生活的各種瑣碎當中。而我，也同樣的背著對前途的憧憬，野心，困惑，還有一份從不言敗的驕傲，一筆筆的給自己人生的壁畫，絵上色彩。

時間，就這樣在忙與盲當中流失了。驀然回首，畢業經已20年。

但在我心裡總是有一把聲音，常常我耳邊念念碎。每年大掃除時翻到舊照片，難免會忍不住緬懷一番。這聲音時而如蚊吟，時而洪鐘，時而不聞。它，從來沒有消失過，只是偶爾潛伏著，等待著下一次的突擊。

去年三月的某一天，心中這煩躁又來無端騷擾。終於忍不住了，便在Facebook里輸入了1991年高三文商3，盼望能尋會失散了的同學們。本來也不敢抱著很高的期望，但出乎意料之外，原來瑞強，淑慧，嘉娣，添順已經成立了一個小組。欣喜若狂之際，馬上要求加入。那時心裡七上八下的，擔心他們已忘記了我。畢竟也失聯了那麼久。

驚喜的是，他們不但沒有忘記，還給予我一個很熱誠的歡迎。我也把佩心，慧妮，心怡介紹了進去。

後來不曉得哪位英雄提出要搞一個20年畢業聚會，而且要把它搞大。大家馬上就接受了這個好主意。剛開始時，也只是說說而已，大家也不太認真。當時間越來約靠近時，大家慢慢便活躍起來了。同學們都自動自發的參與：有的要做主持人，攝影師，財政，查賬，安排流程。有的到處去找失散了的同學的通訊方法，有的照著通訊錄一個個的通知，有的找場地，有的報效，有的樂捐。每個同學為了這難得的聚會，都自動自發的不計回報的付出。淑慧與嘉娣還邀請了我們高三時的班主任，Mr. Goh.

我有時想，大家都這麼熱忱，那把在我心中念念碎的聲音，一定也同時活在他們心裡吧？

好不容易的終於熬到了聚會當天。和外家親戚吃了午飯後，便啓程往岜都去了。原本三小時的路程，因為華人新年的關係，再加上柔佛水災，我們用了大約四各多小時才到達。雖然這樣，我和太太還是滿懷喜樂，期待著和老同學們的重聚。

到達了場地之後，有好幾位同學已經到了。緊接著，同學們一位一位的出現了。大家就好像從來沒有分別過的樣子，握手，問候，擁抱，胡扯。之間的互動，是故友式的, 大家都開著只有摯友才能開的玩笑。原本一點點的隔閡，也漸漸的融化了。當我們重播同樂會影片時，雖然音響效果極差，大家還是很興奮的看完，細細的重溫著我們年輕的瘋狂。

回想到當天的聚會，讓我感動的不只是因為我們當晚準備的節目很棒，又或是雖然和家人有約，工作需要，同學們還都盡力的出席。這些都讓我很感動。

更感動的是，雖然分開了已經20年，我們現在又有一個重新去對彼此相知的機會。而當我們在這個殘酷無情的企業化生活里打滾而受傷，感到孤立，無助的時候，同學們的友情20年里都沒有改變。這是多值得慶祝與驕傲的事啊！

對我最愛的朋友和同學們，我要打從心底向你們致謝。謝謝你們給我心中那一把聲音一個交代，也謝謝你們當晚的出席。

最後，謝謝你們給大家一個再續前緣的機會。

Together once more

It has been 20 years since we graduated from high school, and most of us have not crossed paths ever since we left school on that fated last day. We ventured into different direction of life with the same degree of enthusiasms, ambitions and confusions. As we bid farewell to each other we armed ourselves with the imaginary invincibility, believing that the world is our oyster.

Then some of us further studied, became professionals, built businesses, started family, or just merely gained weight.

And just like that, 20 years came to pass as if a stone has been dropped into the quiet water, vanished with only the ripples to remind us of its once proud significance.

For me, there is always a little fainted voice in my heart that reminded me of my root, and of my dearest friends and comrades with whom I sit, fought, danced, sang, cried and laughed. Sometimes the little voice became louder, sometimes mute, but it has always been there.

One day last March, the little voice became just a little too irrefutable. So I searched for our class and year in Facebook, not hoping for any result. To my surprise, few of our classmates have set up a page with pictures from their gathering last year. I immediately requested to join the group, not expecting them to remember me.

Instead, they welcomed me with open arms, and I soon added them to my list of friends. I have also recommended a few classmates whom I still have the privilege of keeping in touch with to join the group. The group grew slowly but steadily.

Then someone suggested that we should have a BIG reunion for our 20 years anniversary. The idea was immediately approved of. I guessed, just like me, deep down everyone must have the same little voice.

For a while nothing was being done, and as the deadline was closing in, the momentum was suddenly getting intense. Everyone was volunteering to take part in the organization. Some offered to be the MC, the photographer, the treasurer, the shopper and the list went on. Friends started scouting for suitable places, searching for long lost classmates, compiling phone book, calling everyone on the phone book, and all sort of activities just blossomed like wild mushrooms after the rain. We even invited our form teacher, Mr. Goh, to join us.

Fast forward to the event itself. We started our journey to Batu Pahat after having lunch with Crystal's cousins. It took us a little more than 4 hours to reach our destinations due to the heavy Chinese New Year traffic. Despite the long journey, my wife and I were both in good spirits and were hoping to see old friends again.

And then one by one, they showed up. As if we have not parted at all, we started shaking hands, hugging, joking, laughing and drinking the way that only closed friends could. We simply picked up from where we left off.

Although we prepared some activities and games to get everyone warm-up, they were all redundant. All of us were zoomed in when the video was playing, giggling, laughing and poking each other, and the dusted memories became clear once again.

What touched me was not only the fact that the programs we prepared were amazing (well they were alright), or how everyone chipped in to help, or how everyone showed up despite challenges in their work or with family members. On top of all these, what really touched my heart, when the dusts eventually settled, was that although we have spent the last 20 years apart, we were given a chance to renew our friendship. I now realize that although sometimes I felt abandoned and lonely struggling in the cold, cruel corporate world, our friendship is still how it was 20 years ago, untouched, protected, treasured and now growing.

It is rare and fortunate to have friends like that. I had an accident prior to the reunion dinner and immediately they were offering all sort of helps, without me even asking for them. If these actions do not represent their genuine and caring friendship, I have no idea what does.

To my dearest friends and comrades, you have my deepest gratitudes for your everlasting friendship. Thank you for giving meaning to the little voice in my head, and thank you for making the effort to be with us.

Most important of all, thank you for giving us the opportunity to be together once more.

What can we learn from a little kid?

My wife and I were invited to one of our good friend's house to catch up yesterday. We had not seen the couple for a very long time and it was great seeing them. Anyway, we thought it was a great idea to also make Chinese Zhong-zi while we were there as it's also the time of the year.

Little did I know that I could learn so much from this little gathering. I think Jaze and Michelle really did a good job raising their kids...

While we were making the dumplings, Aaron, Jaze's son, took out one of the strings and started playing with it. In his imagination, the string could be a sword, a rope, a knife, a gun, a weapon to justice. Boy, the kid was having such great fun with the simple string. Just look at him. It was sheer joy!





The daddy was telling me the kid could watch Alvin and the Chipmunks endless time everyday and never got tired of it.

While I was looking back at the picture earlier, it struck me that there was once we all lived like that too. We could play with a simple match box for hours and never got tired of it. We could read a simple comic books for zillion times, knowing very well what the ending was, but still enjoyed it.

What has changed in our life? We now demand to use the latest software, the latest mobile, the latest GPS, the latest this and the latest that. We are never contented with what we have anymore. Just upgraded to iPhone 3GS a few months ago, and now my heart itch for iPhone 4. I feel that what I have is never enough; what people did for me are never good enough. We are always on the chase for more and the latest.

Why do we feel inadequate today when we have so much more? What can we learn from this little kid? Are we demanding too much and giving too little thanks?

Update

There is a kind old lady who stays at the same block with us. She is 80 years old, and has gone through all sort of hardship in her life. She told us that she used to cycle for more than 20km to go anywhere. When she was younger, she worked as a rubber tapper, hawker or any job that could bring food back to the family. She moved into the city when her sons started family and life got better.

After she moved to KL, she started collecting old newspapers to sell. It was hard for her but because she treated everyone in the condo very nicely, everyone just donated old magazines, old newspaper, etc to her. And then she would call the lorry to pick up these newspapers. She was like making something like RM 1k a month - although not much, but she got by.

What astounded me was when she told us she donated RM 10k for charity, as most of the newspaper she got were donated by others too! She only made RM 1k a month, and she donated RM 10k for charity?

Wow! How many of us who pride ourselves as professional have donated RM 1k for anything?

What a life of abundance, and what a kind soul. Although she has gone through so much hardship, she chooses to cherish life. More importantly, she chooses to help people in need. She chooses to care, and to love. Although she's an illiterate, she lives a more meaningful and purposeful life than those of us who are supposedly highly educated.

What a life! And what a wake up call!